I should never have gotten attached in the 1st place.

I now find myself needing someone to be there to balance me off, to keep me sane, to just be with me.

Someone to make life worth living.




I don't know if you're avoiding me or if you just don't seem to have time for me. Or maybe you already have someone else in mind. And that's perfectly fair and understandable.

Although I do long to get to know you more, spend time with you, or just listen to you chatter on about a myriad of things which just seem to make me smile and get that warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest.

I wouldn't blame you if you're afraid of me, after all, you've seen my claws and you've seen others being clawed mercilessly.

but I think I really have changed. Maybe for the better.





I had found someone who led the lifestyle I used to yearn to live almost a year back. But that same careless lifestyle has slapped me back in the face. I'm not all out for it anymore. What I've been doing to others, thinking that I was simply 'passing on' what was dealt to me, has come back full circle.

So I'm sick of playing around. I'm not looking for shallow happiness and satisfaction of desires anymore.

I can safely say that I've seen most of what there is to see, and I've done most of what there is to be done. After so much of seeing the world and experiencing what the world has to offer, everything seems to have lost it's appeal. Too much 'fun' can make you weary.

And I've started searching for a bit more meaning in life. Priorities change, what I'm looking for has changed.




This time round, I seek joy. Something which I see only you giving me at the moment.

It may not show, but it's true. And if I'm given the chance, it'll show loud and clear.

It's pretty selfish, but I need you to turn myself back around and to lead me back to that joy I've been missing out on all these years.

Your smile chases away all my demons.






I know u are laughing ur ass off at this post and my apparent lack of balls, before heading out for another round of debauchery. I feel sorry for you. I really do.

Just so you know, I used to cringe inwardly at many things you did and said. I was the boyfriend of an airheaded, brash, judgemental, arrogant, self-obsessed, dishonest girl who was full of pretence.

But I swallowed it, thinking that love would overcome all. I guess not that kind of love+lust. And I have learnt to seperate love from lust. I wouldn't lust after the one I really love.

The truth will be out soon, as it eventually will be. I promise.