i hate being told what to do, how to behave and being spoken to like im an immature kid.

i am NOT a kid.

i know what to do.

i know the gravity of the situation.

you expect me to cover a mile in one jump when im tied to a spot.

don't give me the 'all parents care about their children' shit.

fuck that, i don't believe in it.

fucking bullshit.

i am NOT DISRESPECTFUL.

you just simply refuse to comprehend logic.

who was the one who reproached her brother for not being open-minded?

you are pretty much stubborn and closed all the same.

i should have never agreed to move in.

i know i've turned into an ungrateful sonofabitch.

but its been so fucking long since anyone showed me genuine gratitude that i've not bothered to show any either.

i miss freedom.

i miss having to bear full responsibility for my own actions.

i miss having NOTHING TO FALL BACK ON but myself.

i miss the danger

i miss the unpredictablity

i miss living hand-to-mouth.

i miss defying all odds.

i miss living on to SPITE YOU.

i miss witnessing the daily miracle that was my survival.

i miss standing on the promises of my King.

i miss the closeness to God that came with all that.

i hate being comfortable.

all i want is to be able to do anything i want and not have anyone shoot me down for any irresponsible mistake i make.

i know i have become irresponsible.

but whose fault is it?

with comfort comes irresponsibility.

i never asked for you to take me up as a responsibility.

i don't want to be answerable to you.

i don't want to be answerable to anyone but myself.

and you and you over there,

i know you hate me.

i don't know why, but fuck you both right back anyway.

can't be bothered with you either.

your impressions don't matter to me.

seriously, fuck off and go die.

what you think i should do doesn't matter to me unless i ask for it.

don't give me that 'OH YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU BECOME A PARENT CRAP'

seriously, when/if i become a parent, all i'll know

is that i was right all along.

i don't give a fuck anymore.

i'm fucking disgusted that i lied too.

fucking disgusted with myself for everything

fucking disgusted with myself for betraying the values i once held dear.

the more i try to go along with how the world expects me to behave, the more disillusioned i get.

everything i go through makes me realise that i am better off on my own.

fuck humans being social creatures.

i ain't human no more.





fuck all.