i do know that your friends and colleagues didnt like me, or thought i wasnt good enough for you, because it was damn obvious (just like the fact that addison was gay, but nevermind).


and it didnt really bother me, cos i didnt really like them much to begin with anyway (other than a certain Mr. Aw). but that's besides the point.


i knew i wasnt good enough for you, or at least, i wouldnt be up to your lofty expectations. i had never intended to be serious about you from the start. You flirted with me first when you were still with him, i was a player, so i merely flirted back. I began wanting to play you, because i have been treated like dirt by previous girls, and the way you were treating the poor guy, i thought you ought to get a taste of your own medicine.


but then things got different when it seemed like you accepted me for who i am. i thought i'd give love a go again (omg, was that a change i took on?! wow...) , because i had been out in the playing field for way too long. being in a relationship again was beautiful. I saw the looks on my friends' faces when i told them i was together with you; looks of worry, disbelief and maybe a little disgust for the both of us.


but i didnt care, we were in our own world, and all that mattered was there and then.


i know many people are glad to see us break up, smiling smugly to themselves, "I knew they wouldnt last. He so doesnt deserve her, he's uncouth, ill-mannered and beastly. I knew he wasnt good enough for her, the way he made her cry that night."


Then they wipe that smug smile off their faces and replace it with a look of concern and go ask if you are all right. I know, cos i do it too.


but who are they to judge us? saying that either of us is not good enough for the other party is just them being conceited, and thinking too highly of themselves.


what did it matter as long as we were happy together? who were we even to judge each other?



I dont give any excuses for my behaviour, when i can conveniently blame it on my upbringing. I just say that its 'just the way i am'.


The bottomline is, i know people hate me and judge me. But frankly, i dont give a flying fuck, cos they dont matter to me. They are insignificant. You are different, at least, i think you are.


I know how it is after 2 people break up. Friends on both sides just start pouring out their grieviences with the 'ex' to try and make the person feel better. You are casual and surprised that your friends feel this way about me. I am shocked, saddened and hurt when my friends hurl abuse at you. I dont know, maybe i just feel that they are in no position to judge you. maybe its me being protective.


maybe i just love you for who you are. i dont see 'hidden parts of you that are worth loving', i see you, as a whole, and i love you as a whole.




anyway my friend's birthday thing is not confirmed. if i am available, i would love to see you again.