no seeds.

testing google maps

2010-11-08T19:48:00.000+07:00

2009-09-12T01:29:00.002+07:00

hello world.

yes, it's been a while. things have been good. and bad.

when things with her are good, I feel like I'm in heaven. everything just seems so perfect.

but when either of us gets mad, you get a preview of armageddon.

recently, it has been me who triggers off armageddon.

I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like....I enter some sort of trance. I do everything so calmly and collectedly, it's like...i'm coldblooded, heartless, stone.

It's only when I hear her wailing and sobbing uncontrollably that I snap out of it.

Of course, by then, the damage is irreversible.

I love her. I really really really do. I don't know what i can do to show it, but i don't recall loving anyone quite as much, quite as deeply and quite as wholeheartedly.

I don't recall loving anyone until it hurt this bad.

I know I will never be perfect for her. Yes, what you said is true. If i can leave you once, i can leave you again.

And true enough, I did.

No one can say they know me fully.

I may have said that you are in no position to fuck me over for not knowing you well enough, because you don't know me well enough.

But truth be told; you are the person who knows me best.

It's not about knowing everything that's happened in my entire life. It's about knowing how to make me feel loved, feel like i should....no, make me feel like i MUST forget the whole world, be with you, and just be contented, complete.

but I just don't know why.

why is it that I hurt every single person that I love.

why do i hurt everyone who loves me enough not to hate me?

it's like i'm a porcupine. whenever i try to hold someone close, i stab them with the daggers of bitterness on me.

it's not fair.

it's not fair to you.

it's not fair to me.

i'm sorry. i love you.

i need help.

2009-02-02T21:25:00.001+07:00

this is an update.

;)

2009-01-15T22:07:00.000+07:00

I'm happy for you. I should be.

2009-01-03T02:01:00.001+07:00

): no one reads this shit.

hell, most of the links don't even fucken work!

2008-12-23T12:47:00.000+07:00

your bolster doesn't hug you back.

2008-12-16T00:30:00.003+07:00

yay. blog. AGAIN.

This is the only writing I still do for free. (hint: PAY ME NOW)

Since it's free, here's another incoherent rant.

Just saw more anti-smoking ads a couple of days back. Now gahmen is banning smoking in:

playgrounds
Covered carparks
lift lobbies
areas outside entrances of shopping malls
open air shopping centres

This is on top of

Bus stops
Bars and Clubs
Bus interchanges

WTF. First, you raise the bloody prices, to fucking 4 times the amount smokers pay overseas (angmohs have been heard going, "WHAT THE FUCK?! TEN BUCKS FOR A PACK OF SMOKES?" when they walk into convenience stores).

Then you print bloody retarded, gross pictures on cigarette packs, which should really be R21 because of their gory content (but no, kids should see them, so they'll be too damn scared to puff).

Then you make it tough for people to smoke and drink at the same time, when tobacco and alcohol really go hand in hand.

Then you print the retarded 'SDPC' on EVERY FUCKIN' STICK so no one can ever buy contraband and get away scot free.

NOW THIS.

So now, smokers are EXPECTED to walk out into the rain every time they need a smoke? They also need to walk out of playgrounds into the surrounding grass patches to get their dose of nicotine everytime they chill out at playgrounds at night?

Well done lah.

Walk out into rain, cigarette extinguished.

Walk out onto grass patch, step on cat shit.

Well done lah.

Pretty soon, smokers can only stand under ERP gantries to smoke.

Want to smoke? Pay ERP.

Oh shit, am I giving them ideas?

Next to the Jews, smokers are the most persecuted people on earth.

2008-12-13T17:11:00.003+07:00

since im bored out of my mind, i shall blog (when i really should be thinking about new merchandise for IMC and a bloody outdoor ad)

actually i don't know what to blog about.

So i shall answer the question i usually ask:

"So, how's life?"

Life is..............wait, what life?

I have no life.

okay lah, a bit. Some parties here and there, dinners with friends, hardening my liver and blackening my lungs etc.

And of course, wrecking friendships and relationships like i always do. Lol.

So it's the holidays now. I imagined more work at first, but now I have nothing to do. NOTHING.

Don't even know if that is a good thing. I've been craving sleep and slept way too much during project stayovers (i'm so gonna get marked down). Now I sleep about 10 hours every day, but wake up and think, "Gawd wtf am i gonna do today."

My sub-ed just blasted my work in an email. Ok i have to admit it was a VERY slipshod piece of shit done on a total of 3 train rides and a couple of hours at the tables under convention.

At least I have time now to polish that up.

Speaking of that, WILL EVERYONE WHO OWES ME MONEY PLEASE PAY ME?!
(Especially people whom I've worked for, because I don't write for free......anymore!)

I have only 30 bucks left in the bank!

Ugh.

And I'm sick. coughing and have the sniffles.

Did I mention, im FLUNKING medlaw big time. Really quite worrying, but I dont know what the fuck to do. I do study, I see the question and I answer it confidently, only to find that i was given a big fat ZERO when i get the paper back.

sigh. to think i wanted to become a lawyer.

Mom: You're so good at arguing and talking back, go become a lawyer lah.
Me: Yeah, good idea!

Oh yeah, then again, that was a career choice suggested by the great mother. No wonder it would have turned out all fuckedup. Just like my half-fucked JC education.

Yes, if i went thr the two full years, it would be a totally fucked JC education.

gahhhhhhhhhh...........

as for the love life........well, let's just say that I can't become the good guy who gets the marriage material girl.

Simply cos i can't fulfill the 'good guy' end of the deal.

Maybe i have low self-confidence, but I'm often surprised at the kind of material i manage to attract.

I mean, look at me: I'm fat, I'm smelly (so says rach), I'm pimply (and getting pimplier thanks to a certain facial product), I'm brash, I'm a bastard and i suck at medlaw.

That's not a very sexy picture.

:/

okay time to shower and go over to parc oasis for mahjong. lol.

happy holidays!

P.S. I never got to say this before, but Wwei's dad was driving us home the other day and we went past Geylang.

I saw someone who looked very much like her.

I mean, I know she's a slut, but WOW! Could it be that she now does it full-time?

(gawd why am i even talking about her. i can't even remember how she looks like. or all the 'important' dates)

P.P.S. Walao that was a hell lot of random shit.

2008-12-13T14:46:00.001+07:00

oh man, some interesting memories.

2008-11-22T23:44:00.000+07:00

"They took away smoking, they took away drugs and promiscuous sex, they took away eating red meat and cat calling hot chicks on the street. All I have left is over-priced coffee, and by God I'm going to drink it!" - Brent Sienna

2008-11-09T23:12:00.004+07:00

as much as the workload is increasing, I really can't complain much.

life's good: I've lost a bit of weight, been able to catch up with a coupla buddies I haven't seen in ages, have enough of everything to keep me satisfied, had a few lucky breaks and I'm pretty much thoroughly enjoying myself in doing what I do.

And as much as I hate becoming an old man, my 20th is coming along!

it's all good.

and yes, just so you know; you are a loser.

a WEAK loser.

I have no idea what I saw in you. I don't really care whether you were really referring to me or not, but yeah,

just add 'us' to your list of regrets.

i'm gloating. triumphantly. i'm a fuckin triumphant gloating asshole.

fuckoffandgodiepleasethankyouverymuch.

2008-10-30T00:08:00.004+07:00

dear you.

you're already a masterpiece

Beethoven never added a drumbeat to the Fur Elise

please don't paint your face, you're beautiful just the way you are. (:

2008-10-21T00:18:00.000+07:00

left eye twitched all day today.

is that bad?

2008-10-19T20:41:00.001+07:00

who says beggars can't be choosers?

actually sometimes when you leave it up to God, everything just...falls into place.

2008-10-07T11:54:00.002+07:00

Just saw a TVC for Dettol hand sanitizer.

The mom was stopping her kids from touching things like shopping carts and lift buttons for fear that they would contain harmful bacteria. But after sanitizing their hands with DETTOL HAND SANITIZER, EVERYDAY OBJECTS could be touched again without fear.

gawd.

you promoting a product or you promoting paranoia?

2008-10-04T20:35:00.002+07:00

i just found out that 3 of my primary school friends are in med school

med-fucking-school.

the same people who used to sit in the same class as me, do the same papers as me, play hopscotch, catching and monkey bars during recess with me.

We had comparable grades until the bloody streaming in P4 put them in one class above me. Why? They did higher chinese. I couldn't (actually I could have but I didn't want to kill myself, yet).

So now they are studying to be doctors (think Grey's) where daily work means saving lives and maybe even bringing life into this world.

While they're at that, I'm probably working myself to death for low pay in an industry where deception is part of my job scope and rising in ranks means putting on a fake front and pandering to the wants of those around me.

so what if I'm in one of the most sought-after courses in poly? big deal.

I'm a fucking underachiever.

2008-10-02T12:42:00.001+07:00

if I think some bungs are hot and some gayboys are cute, does that contradict my status as a straight guy?

hmmm.

2008-10-01T01:23:00.002+07:00

I'm sick of coming up with excuses.

I'm sick of getting the same old excuses.

I'm sick of giving myself excuses for not trying to be a better individual.

gah.

only 2 things in this world are capable of motivating me: my own anger, or my love for someone

I've nothing to motivate me right now.

Until someone pisses me off real bad.

2008-09-28T13:57:00.002+07:00

also, it's only during the times when you are forced to look through your list of contacts that you find many different kind of people.

changed phone yesterday so spent the whole night bluetoothing contacts to the new phone.

it's quite saddening to scroll through my contact list and see the numbers of people whom I was once really close to, but never talk to now.

Circumstances caused us to drift apart. we're in such different worlds now that i don't even need to keep their numbers anymore.

Then there are other names I simply can't recognise.

Every few names, i spend a few seconds at thinking," Who's this girl again? Was she an interviewee? Or just a 'friend of a friend' from a night out?".

Or worse, the people with common names, only to be distinguished by surnames - "Huh, Jeremy Wong? Who's that?"

Can't remember how these numbers found their way into my phone. Doesn't help that I'm bad with connecting names to faces. These numbers don't get transferred either.

Finally, there are people I've fallen out with, or people caught in the middle of tiffs, or people who've betrayed me.

Their numbers get transferred. Would have to use them someday, for some reason.

2008-09-28T13:50:00.002+07:00

brought my grandma to see a doc about her hearing problems.

it's weird how the doctors and nurses call out patients' names so softly.

if the patients could hear them, they wouldn't be there now, would they?

2008-09-22T23:35:00.002+07:00

I've always been intrigued with the concept of having a 'soulmate'.

Plato had an interesting take on this concept.

In his philosophical dialogue 'Symposium', one of his characters, Aristophanes, raised the theory that humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a single head with two faces. The Greek god Zeus was afraid of their power and split each human in half, hence condemning them to spending the rest of their other half that would complete them.

In other words, according to Plato, somewhere out there, another human being has been created just for you. You were meant to spend the rest of your lives together and you'll never be complete without each other.

Do you subscribe to this theory?

I don't.

Not really.

Firstly, maybe we should consider the question, how do you know if the other person is your soulmate?

Do you know that if the both of you always have something to talk about?

I don't think so. Technically, soulmates should know each other so well that there are other means of communication (telepathy, reading body language etc) that sometimes, they don't need to say anything at all, just so the communication will be something only both of them share.

Something special.

Do you know that if the both of you are physically attracted to each other?

As much as Plato's mythical take seems to suggest that this might be a sure-fire test of soulmate-ness, I really don't think it might boil down to fitting the pieces of the puzzle.

What if someone you can really relate to is someone you haven't even seen before? A pen-pal? An online friend? How about if you can't see, or are physically numb? Does that mean you can never have a soulmate, simply because you aren't physically capable of feeling physical attraction?

Do you know that if the both of you end up getting married?

As much as the 'fate fanatics' (as I like to call those who accredit all happenings to fate) like to believe that finding your soulmate is all up to fate. So if someone never ends up in a civil domestic bond with you till death, it is impossible that person is your soulmate.

Well how about people who are kept apart by circumstances? Though they can relate to each other, complement each other and spend the rest of their lives longing to be with each other, they can never be together.

Are they not soulmates?

Or how about if one party doesn't feel the same way about the other?

Well, this will probably be the main point of debate. To establish someone else as your soulmate, does the other party have to be willing to be known as that? Does the other party have to relate to you as well as you relate to them?

Let me give you this example:

A guy and a girl meet in a bar. They strike up a conversation and find that they share similiar opinions on various topics. This puts them both in a good mood and before they know it, they're pissed drunk in a hotel room and......do some puzzle-fitting.

The morning after, they feel awkward and part ways, but keep in contact.

They then go on to date other people over the next 8 years but the girl, whether attached or single, always comes back to the guy whenever she's feeling down or needs help in making a important decision.

She views him as a soulmate; someone whose opinion she treasures, someone who can cheer her up just by saying hi, someone she can pour herself out to, someone she feels totally at home with, someone she doesn't have to put on fake fronts around. She tells him everything.

Everything, other than the fact that he is the most special human being on earth to her.

The guy, however, only sees her as a friend and obliges her every time. He doesn't know that he's the only person she confides in, the only person she feels happy with, the only person who can make her smile effortlessly, simply because he doesn't have any dealings with the other people in her life. He goes off, meets someone whom he falls in love with and gets married to her.

The girl is disappointed, but keeps dating, both men and women, eventually almost forgetting about him. But she soon finds herself going back to the guy everytime she's troubled.

She tries to wean herself off her dependence on him, throwing her all into everyone of her relationships. Eventually, she marries, but this quickly ends in divorce. She thought she could find another soulmate, and that maybe forcing a bond would bloom into something more beautiful for her. She's wrong.

Even after her divorce, she still finds her comfort in him, but at the same time, feels guilty that these dialogues might not be taken very well by his wife if they were found out.

The both of them grow old and die. He goes peacefully, surrounded by his wife, kids and grandkids. She dies cold and alone, clutching an old photo of him she took from his wallet that drunken night.

Was he her soulmate? She sure thought so. But she definitely wasn't his.

It's not as if she didn't give other people a chance. But it just didn't work out, somehow.

There are people who do live like this. I'm not gonna say if I'm one of them, but you can probably deduce.

So is there really just one soulmate for everyone of us? Are we meant to have another half? Are we meant FOR our other halves?

That's anybody's guess, I guess.

2008-09-05T22:30:00.002+07:00

it's really not like me to totally lose my composure, even with all the odds stacked against me.

and it's really weird how i keep running back to that one person every time i need comfort.

and comfort, i do find.

i wonder why.

ugh i'm confused. The sore throat isn't helping in the least bit.

2008-08-29T00:03:00.000+07:00

i really should measure the impact of my actions before i carry them out.

damn.

oh well.

2008-08-11T00:24:00.001+07:00

yuck. for once, i feel really really disgusted.

can feel the bile rising up the back of my throat.

you're disgusting, and, incidentally, pretty damn ugly.

2008-08-07T13:39:00.000+07:00

had a dream last night.

got enlisted.

Worst dream ever.

2008-07-30T01:12:00.003+07:00

i know enough to turn your world topsy-turvy just like that

-snaps fingers-

but yet you choose to turn against me without even listening to my side of the story

betrayal is fair game as long as I'm betrayed first.

too bad for you :)

2008-07-27T20:48:00.001+07:00

i see your name

the cursor goes over it

it hovers there

a sad smile.

it moves away.

-click-

there are stories to write anyway.

2008-07-27T00:27:00.003+07:00

it's only human.

I'm only human.

"... all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

The Declaration of Independence

Being able to seek your own happiness is a God-given right.

2008-07-23T23:33:00.002+07:00

I choose to believe that you're a Godsend.

you make me smile,
please stay for a while.

2008-07-19T15:31:00.004+07:00

i don't know if it's a blessing or a curse to be able to pace my booze intake.

cos clubbing is normally about taking care of drunk friends.

last night i was stuck with 2 drunk pairs who liked to disappear into thin air.

whenever i found one pair, they would be like, "Where are ***** and ******? They're probably fucking somewhere lah!"

So I'd go look for the other pair, who would prolly NOT be having sex (thankfully), but trying to puke in the toilet. Then they'd try to yell to me like i was 15m away, when really i was standing almost next to them.

"DID YOU SEE M****** and I**** making out? They're probably having sex now lah! GO CHECK ON THEM, WE'RE FINE!"

so i think i walked/jogged/staggered around riverwalk quite a lot to-and-fro, trying to locate them. It didnt help that i drank on an empty stomach.

THEN. When i finally managed to herd all of them out to get a cab,

"I DARE YOU TO JUMP IN THE RIVER!"

"OKAY! I HAVEN'T SWAM IN A LONG TIME!"

and they were serious.

i've never run so fast in my whole life to drag 2 drunkards away from the river edge.

gawddddd....

ok lah, but it's pretty entertaining.

2008-07-15T10:42:00.000+07:00

this has to be the sexiest number of all time.

2008-07-13T17:24:00.002+07:00

Do people draw life advice from movie lines?

Should I?

Ah well. I don't think it's wrong to want to be happy.

2008-07-10T09:49:00.002+07:00

Lesson of the month:

Durians have a high mortality rate.

Out of the 10 durians that Tim and I lugged back to his house from the nearby forest,

5 were rotten and

3 were unripe but turned out to be rotten later on.

BUT

the 2 smallest durians which were ripe, were HEAVENLY.

That was worth the whole night of scratches, waiting and being laughed at by uncles who mocked our puny torchlights while brandishing their tok kong ones

We now know why durians are so expensive.

2008-07-05T22:57:00.002+07:00

you don't need a ranty blog post.

Or a long phone call,

or a face-to-face scolding,

or colourful language.

Just one word and I'll know how disappointed you are.

2008-07-01T21:23:00.002+07:00

Thanks to Serena's reccomendation, I 'acted busy' and did this handwriting analysis instead of editing stories. Tsk. I'm horrible.

Here are my results. Judge for yourselves!:

Hong Ian has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. Hong Ian could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.

Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet.

If Hong Ian encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see Hong Ian as very moody, but it it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Hong Ian's emotional expressiveness.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Hong Ian doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Hong Ian is talkative. He enjoys talking and socializing. He may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. He enjoys speaking.

Hong Ian can be defiant. He sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way he is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which he thinks are infringing upon his freedom of action.

Diplomacy is one of Hong Ian's best attributes. He has the ability to say what others want to hear. He can have tact with others. He has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Hong Ian can disagree without being disagreeable.

In reference to Hong Ian's mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When Hong Ian slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project.

He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Hong Ian can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Hong Ian is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Hong Ian basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average.

Hong Ian has a tendency to put things off, Hong Ian procrastinates. He sometimes pretends to be busy, so he will not have to do whatever he is putting off. He is often late to appointments or deadlines. This usually leads to a great amount of effort at the last minute to meet the deadline. Procrastination is an important factor as it relates to his output on the job or at school. Remember, Hong Ian will put it off until later. Procrastination is easily overcome through a simple stroke adjustment in the handwriting.

Hong Ian exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although he may not intend to deceive or mislead, he blows things way out of proportion because that is the way he views them. He will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of his material world. Hong Ian allows many people into his life because he is accepting and trusting. He is sometimes called gullible by his friends. That only really means that he trusts too many people. Hong Ian has a vivid imagination.

Hong Ian has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Hong Ian's y or g is large and opens up to the left side of the page. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Hong Ian has regarding sex and physical things. So, his lower zone stroke is large, so his sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop is incomplete and extends to the left, this indicates a particular fascination with certain aspects of sexuality that have not been fulfilled, yet. In a nutshell, Hong Ian is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once.

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Hong Ian has left some white space on the left side of the paper. Hong Ian fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as he moves down the page. If this is true, then Hong Ian has a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and Hong Ian is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future. Hong Ian is leaving the past behind and moving on to what he perceives as an exciting and enticing future.

2008-06-27T23:54:00.002+07:00

Random Thoughts of The Day

1. I just made someone feel better today without even knowing it. Wow! Chin up, my friend!

2. Violence in relationships seemed like a faraway concept until I found out today that one of my friends had an abusive boyfriend. I don't think any girl deserves to be hit no matter how grave the crime.

3. Friday nights spent watching TV at home are boring shit.

4. Song titles on iTunes shuffle give pathetic answers to your burning questions.

5. I think I really am a baby.

6. I don't need a gf. I need a companion.

7. Why does your smile have to be so sweet? Gosh..........

2008-06-18T16:31:00.000+07:00

cute baby.

2008-06-18T13:32:00.002+07:00

yarzman tagged me. But it's not as if people who know me wouldn't know all these already.

20 random facts about Cheak Hong Ian.

1. "Cheak" is his surname.

2. It's pronounced as "Chay-k", not "cheeek", nor "chiak", nor "chick"

3. He hates it when people call him "Ian". He hates that name for reasons he himself isn't too sure of.

4. He is finding that speaking of himself in the 3rd person is pretty damn amusing and shall continue to do so.

5. He knows he is fat and doesn't need reminders.

6. He knows he has yet to enlist and doesn't need anyone asking about it.

7. His belly hair is his pride and joy.

8. He once set fire to his pride and joy in a fit of boredom. It spread like a forest fire in Indonesia. But he stamped it out
before it spread to his family jewels.

9. He wishes he had the time to go train his snooker skills with his beloved cue which is going rather mouldy.

10. His 2nd toe is as bloody long and the same length as his pinky. This increases his shoe size by 1.

11. He is often too damn lazy to brush his teeth before bed.

12. He can stuff his fist into his mouth.

13. He likes long bus rides which give him time to think.

14. He is really introverted. Social interaction with fellow human beings saps his energy quickly.

15. His buck teeth are the consequences of his childhood fetish for biting on waterbottle straps and pulling on them just to get a high.

16. His pimples are clearing up. But once someone mentions that they are, they come back with a vengance the next day.

17. He hates it when people offer him skincare advice. It's not as if he hasn't tried everything there is to try already.

18. He can't stand people who don't give way to others getting down from the train and try and squeeze in to get a seat. He
walks to the train door, squares his shoulders, stands up straight and stares down at the kiasu commuters outside. If they don't give way, he shoulders everyone in his way when the train doors open. Really hard.

19. He enjoys being a rugby poseur simply because he can carry it off due to his erm.....large build.

20. He wants to become a goatherd in the Swiss Alps and play a saxophone all day.

He tags: no one.

The hassle stops here. I think I'm a hero.

2008-06-16T00:15:00.004+07:00

I should never have gotten attached in the 1st place.

I now find myself needing someone to be there to balance me off, to keep me sane, to just be with me.

Someone to make life worth living.

I don't know if you're avoiding me or if you just don't seem to have time for me. Or maybe you already have someone else in mind. And that's perfectly fair and understandable.

Although I do long to get to know you more, spend time with you, or just listen to you chatter on about a myriad of things which just seem to make me smile and get that warm, fuzzy feeling in my chest.

I wouldn't blame you if you're afraid of me, after all, you've seen my claws and you've seen others being clawed mercilessly.

but I think I really have changed. Maybe for the better.

I had found someone who led the lifestyle I used to yearn to live almost a year back. But that same careless lifestyle has slapped me back in the face. I'm not all out for it anymore. What I've been doing to others, thinking that I was simply 'passing on' what was dealt to me, has come back full circle.

So I'm sick of playing around. I'm not looking for shallow happiness and satisfaction of desires anymore.

I can safely say that I've seen most of what there is to see, and I've done most of what there is to be done. After so much of seeing the world and experiencing what the world has to offer, everything seems to have lost it's appeal. Too much 'fun' can make you weary.

And I've started searching for a bit more meaning in life. Priorities change, what I'm looking for has changed.

This time round, I seek joy. Something which I see only you giving me at the moment.

It may not show, but it's true. And if I'm given the chance, it'll show loud and clear.

It's pretty selfish, but I need you to turn myself back around and to lead me back to that joy I've been missing out on all these years.

Your smile chases away all my demons.

I know u are laughing ur ass off at this post and my apparent lack of balls, before heading out for another round of debauchery. I feel sorry for you. I really do.

Just so you know, I used to cringe inwardly at many things you did and said. I was the boyfriend of an airheaded, brash, judgemental, arrogant, self-obsessed, dishonest girl who was full of pretence.

But I swallowed it, thinking that love would overcome all. I guess not that kind of love+lust. And I have learnt to seperate love from lust. I wouldn't lust after the one I really love.

The truth will be out soon, as it eventually will be. I promise.

2008-06-14T17:43:00.002+07:00

people fret when they come to a fork in the road of their lives.

"Which path is the right one? The left or the right? Should I turn back?"

well, I find myself in a vast open plain with no end in sight. Endless possibilities, endless impossibilities. And every step I might take wouldn't make much of a difference to my position anyway.

So where to from here?

Fashionably late, but always worth the wait. Cheer on.

2008-06-11T23:09:00.002+07:00

he was my seating partner in Primary 6.

One of my good friends. We ate together, we played basketball together, we got into fights together with the EM3 Ah Bengs in school. We even failed our NAPFA together because he had asthma and I was fat.

But we lost contact after PSLE, but I used to see him around the neighbourhood, but didn't go up to him to say hi, for fear that he wouldn't recognise me. People change.

Well, people also leave. Today, I flipped to page 4 of the newspaper and there he was, staring straight back at me.

He is gone. Died just 5 days into his 2 'glorious' years of serving the nation.

He was only 20.

I guess I can't go up to you and say "Hi" anymore. No more cracking of jokes with you, no more chances to play basketball with you ever again.

Rest in peace, Andrew.

2008-06-11T01:11:00.003+07:00

opened this window having plenty to say.

but since no one would understand anyway, I guess I'll spend my time on other stuff, like editing stories.

blah. It's not fair. It's just not.

I refuse to judge people based on their past, but it bites me back in the face.

who do I think I am to try and attempt the impossible? God?

guess I'll need time to sort myself out. I know I really should be looking to Him for help, but after you don't talk to someone for a long time, it just feels awkward trying to strike up a conversation again.

God, please hold my hand and help me do what you want me to do.

If I don't respond, drag me along if you have to, so that I'll see that it's you on the other end.

2008-06-07T12:54:00.002+07:00

Sometimes you can't help but wonder if she knows.

And what her reaction will be/was when she first finds/found out.

Don't you just hate me now?
It's only gonna get worse.
Enjoy the wait.

2008-06-05T21:26:00.002+07:00

I'll make sure you'll cut off those locks.

I'm sure you'll enjoy what's coming.

2008-06-03T13:06:00.002+07:00

sometimes people just seem to enjoy playing those little games and complicating their lives.

well, it's always fun when it happens to other people.

But when it happens to you,

You can't help but wonder why people like to make things so complicated.

Well, if we were all content with living peaceful, self-sustaining lives, there would be no war, no quarrels, no strife.

But then again, there wouldn't be technology, and we'd all still be running around naked in Eden, living off the land.

The world just isn't simple anymore, especially in the industry we're in.

Take heart, my friend.

We're doing it to pay the mortgage.

2008-05-28T23:23:00.002+07:00

Serena's poem:

Hello kitty
I feel shitty
Tired, sweaty
Dirty smelly.

I think that I am one big fatty
Like that Famous Amos cookie

Okay this is where it gets embarrassing

My feeble attempt:

Hard Daddy
Is The Real Fatty
Pianoserena shouldnt be glum
Cos Hard Daddy's still her chum

The one who loves Serena is Hard Daddy
So dear lil Serena should be happy!

I think we should come up with a name for this type of poem. Something like "haiku".

I think I'll call my poem a "suaku". heh.

2008-05-25T17:05:00.004+07:00

Who needs mediums when you have music.

Ok this is a lil morbid, but I've come up with a playlist of songs I would like to be looped at my funeral, so I can speak to my mourners (if any) even when I'm in that cold, hard box.

Play them in this order and listen to what I'd have to say:

1. Welcome To Wherever You Are (Bon Jovi)

2. Time of Your Life (Green Day)

3. Thank You For Loving Me (Bon Jovi)

4. Walking Away (Craig David)

5. Tears In Heaven (Eric Clapton)

6. Boston (Augustana)

7. The Scientist (Coldplay)

8. Candleburn (Dishwalla)

9. Dream On (Aerosmith)

10. Warmness On The Soul (Avenged Sevenfold)

11. Goodbye (Air Supply)

12. Leave Out All The Rest (Linkin Park)

13. Home (Daughtry)

14. Run (Snow Patrol)

15. Life Is A Song (Patrick Park)

What would you say to the people at your wake if you had the chance?

Well, I'd say,
"None of you ever knew me, because those who really knew me wouldn't be here."

2008-05-23T13:13:00.001+07:00

HEHEHEHE. Pictorial proof of my interview with Marie Digby!

BE JEALOUS, FELLAS.

BE VERY JEALOUS! AHHAHAHAHA.

2008-05-22T23:21:00.002+07:00

Usually, I wouldn't believe shit that horoscopes say.

But the one in I-S mag seems to be pretty damn accurate.

And it's been barely been a week, much less a month!

You had me from hello (:
So now that she's out of my life for good, maybe it's time to pursue what I've always wanted.
You're special. (:

2008-05-21T22:00:00.002+07:00

here's a refreshing POV,

Patrick Park - Life Is A Song

You say life is a dream where we can't say what we mean
Maybe just some roadside scene that we're driving past
There's no telling where we'll be in a day or in a week
And there's no promises of peace or of happiness

Well is this why you cling to every little thing
And polverize and derrange all your senses
Maybe life is a song but you're scared to song along
Until the very ending

Oh, it's time to let go of everything we used to know
Ideas that strengthen who we've been
It's time to cut ties that won't ever free our minds
From the chains and shackles that they're in

Oh, tell me what good is saying that you're free
In a dark and storming sea
You're chained to your history, you're surely sinking fast
You say that you know that the good Lord's in control
He's gonna bless and keep your tired and oh so restless soul
But at the end of the day when every price has been paid
You're gonna rise and sit beside him on some old seat of gold
And won't you tell me why you live like you're afraid to die
You'll die like you're afraid to go

Oh, it's time to let go of everything we used to know
Ideas that strengthen who we've been
It's time to cut ties that won't ever free our minds
From chains and shackles that they're in
From the chains and shackles that they're in

Well life is a dream 'cause we're all walking in our sleep
You could see us stand in lines like we're dead upon our feet
And we build our house of cards and then we wait for it to fall
Always forget how strange it is just to be alive at all

2008-05-19T23:27:00.003+07:00

yep, I used to take out my discontent about the past relationship on my blog.

I am a whiny bitch.

But you took out your discontent by satisfying yourself with another guy.

You may be good with words, but that just makes you a slutty wordsmith.

I have nothing to be embarrassed about, other than falling blindly in love with a slut. Silly, childish me, thinking that sluts might change for the better. Childish, immature me, actually believing that true love exists.

You say you are a sucker for 'tall, skinny guys'.

Well, I'm sorry I'm not skinny. Maybe I wasn't physically gratifying enough for you in that sense.

I used to love and treasure you deeply.

But now that I realise your true value (or lack of it), I don't anymore.

Cheap stuff simply isn't worth treasuring.

2008-05-19T22:05:00.001+07:00

hmmm.

on a lighter note, just a day after the clean break, I found myself almost joining the queue to a gay party.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME?

2008-05-18T03:20:00.004+07:00

really tempted to delete all your photos of us from your folders.

but i shan't, just in case you wanna use them for black magic or something.

but, just in case you are reading, please delete all the photos of us you have. All the videos of me, every scrap of evidence of my existence in your life, from your laptop.

you don't deserve to keep them.

go find someone who can please you physically.

wait, 'someone' is singular.

go find a whole bunch of horny bastards to satisfy you.

I don't give a shit anymore of how you choose to cheapen yourself.

I just hope that you don't continue to lie to the ones who love you and treasure you the most.

2008-05-17T15:05:00.001+07:00

I'm disgusted.

I don't love you anymore.

2008-05-17T14:50:00.002+07:00

"We made out, got drunk, but we didnt have sex."

"It was a physical thing, to me. My heart was all yours."

All this happened just a few weeks before we broke up in January, when I still believed that we were happy together.

"I didnt fuck him. Its up to u to believe it or not. U do what u deem fit ok? Now its my fault, although it was some time ago. U can put e blame on me now."

I knew something was amiss awhile. My 6th sense has never failed me. Was I right to have doubted her fidelity then? You be the judge.

A leopard never changes its spots. Call it karma if you like, maybe this is what I deserved for breaking up so many people in the past.

The ONLY one i loved, the one i was fiercely loyal to, CHEATED on me while we were still together.

When I skip clubbing because I didnt trust myself to behave. She persuaded me not to go cos she was always with friends and was having her GIRLY FUN.

Well, she had fun all right.

She threw herself at a guy, went home with him, made out with him and nearly fucked him.

While I was slaving over schoolwork and was blissfully unaware, thinking that she was being true to me.

WOW.

And now, when she tells me that she feels uncomfortable when im close to her, when i touch her, my theory has been confirmed.

Of course it feels weird. You fucking made out with a guy while still with me. You WANT him, not me.

and he's rich too! aint that great? After you drained me dry of money meant for my education.

wow.

IM still in shock, icy cold fingers are gripping my heart real tight, squeezing harder and harder.

2008-05-11T16:42:00.003+07:00

I'm still really confused.

I've been needing a hug for damn long and I've gotten quite a few from various people.

but none of them were given by the one person I desperately need it from.

It's just all a blur of my imagination, feelings, thoughts and emotions.

And the heartache is very real.

I love you.

2008-05-06T13:52:00.002+07:00

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away" - Job

The selfish part of me resents being subject to the whim and fancy of the Almighty.

But the rational part of me knows that accepting whatever is on my plate is the only way I can be truly content.

2008-05-05T17:01:00.002+07:00

this video is about a topic very close to everyone's hearts.

you should watch it.

Courtesy of the people who brought us the Kama Sutra, mathematics and the Girly Man.

2008-05-01T22:20:00.001+07:00

don't know what to do

don't know how to carry myself

don't know how to behave

don't know how to make myself feel better

don't know how to smile effortlessly.

never felt so helpless before.

This is what happens when you can't eat after 10pm

2008-04-27T17:06:00.002+07:00

Last night, I had a weird dream.

I dreamt that i was at Old Chang Kee.

And looking at the food display, i saw that they had a new item on the menu.

GIANT DEEP-FRIED LOBSTERS.

but the auntie REFUSED TO SELL ONE TO ME!!!

"NOT FOR SALE!" she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.

instead, she sold one to the angmoh behind me!

URGHHHH...

I got so pissed off, i woke up.

2008-04-26T01:41:00.002+07:00

Hi there,

It's 2.45am on Saturday 26 Apr now.

I desperately need some cheering up.

So if you feel like making my day, please give me a call.

If not I shall just resume my stare out of the open window.

2008-04-25T01:29:00.003+07:00

i'm beginning to hate the 25th of every month.

except maybe December. Christmas is good.

2008-04-25T00:49:00.001+07:00

i feel much better after my beer actually. X)

i never thought i would say this, but Hooray for Tiger!

2008-04-24T23:31:00.004+07:00

FUCK. I'M FUCKING PISSED. I TRY NOT TO LOSE MY TEMPER ANYMORE BUT THIS IS TOO FUCKING MUCH.

I SHALL NOT SAY ANYTHING. :X

I bet if i were drowning, you would just call out for me to swim and leave it at that cos jumping in to save me would be BABYING me.

I DON'T DESERVE TO OPEN MY MOUTH ANYWAY, EVEN IF IT'S TO TAKE IN MY MUCH-NEEDED AIR WHEN THE AIR SOURCE I NORMALLY DEPEND ON GIVES ME SHIT.

FUCK IT. AND YES, FUCK EVERYTHING.

2008-04-15T14:11:00.001+07:00

I haven't been updating this angsty blog much recently.

Prolly because i don't have much reason to be angsty anymore.

I love you.

2008-03-27T10:31:00.000+07:00

Hilarious. Watch.

2008-03-23T00:56:00.001+07:00

I'm bad with words.

Whatever I say offends easily if you don't know me well enough.

Well, all I can say is,

If you don't already love me, you'll probably hate me.

2008-03-20T01:03:00.001+07:00

WIN FREE MOVIE PASSES HERE!!!

2008-03-16T21:37:00.001+07:00

heh ql saved my blog.

2008-03-15T11:53:00.001+07:00

omg i dont know what i have done to this blog

2008-03-14T00:01:00.001+07:00

no one ever understands me.

not even the love of my life.

oh well. Im just a misfit.

Should really consider becoming a goatherd in the Swiss Alps.

2008-03-10T11:51:00.000+07:00

I won't hate you, I never will.

I'll only hate myself.

2008-03-07T17:59:00.003+07:00

Live Twice (Darius)

Don't leave now
Not yet
They're words I
Regret
And I'm sorry
Somehow
I only
Wanted to make you proud

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
How could I let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

When you told me
I froze
It still echoes
In my soul
Please forgive me
If I didn't say
I love you
Every single day

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
How could I let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

Nobody told me we'd only get one chance
I didn't know that our time would turn so fast
Why we have to say goodbye I don't understand

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
How could I let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice

I could not let it pass me by
Nothing I give to sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice


i miss you baby, this one's for you.


it's been almost 8 months since you left,

I miss you, Granny

2008-03-01T23:00:00.002+07:00

you ARE different

but when the old, untrusting loser comes out, shouldnt you help me get him out of sight?

instead of harping on the idea that i should trust you no matter what, shouldnt you help me beat back my doubts instead of you going "if that's what you think, I cant help you", just like you always do.

i really do want to trust you, but i need your help to help beat back the ghosts of my past.

if i cant call you baby, i probably will never will able to call anyone that ever again.

You werent a nobody. You were EVERYTHING to me.

And now, I have nothing.

i wouldnt blame you for hating me, because i hate myself for being who i am.
Mom, Lynette, Charmaine C, I hate all of you for making me who i am.
i hope you find your happiness, cos i know i will never find mine.

i dont care whether you believe me or not, but i love you. So much that it hurts.

2008-02-27T13:50:00.002+07:00

i do know that your friends and colleagues didnt like me, or thought i wasnt good enough for you, because it was damn obvious (just like the fact that addison was gay, but nevermind).

and it didnt really bother me, cos i didnt really like them much to begin with anyway (other than a certain Mr. Aw). but that's besides the point.

i knew i wasnt good enough for you, or at least, i wouldnt be up to your lofty expectations. i had never intended to be serious about you from the start. You flirted with me first when you were still with him, i was a player, so i merely flirted back. I began wanting to play you, because i have been treated like dirt by previous girls, and the way you were treating the poor guy, i thought you ought to get a taste of your own medicine.

but then things got different when it seemed like you accepted me for who i am. i thought i'd give love a go again (omg, was that a change i took on?! wow...) , because i had been out in the playing field for way too long. being in a relationship again was beautiful. I saw the looks on my friends' faces when i told them i was together with you; looks of worry, disbelief and maybe a little disgust for the both of us.

but i didnt care, we were in our own world, and all that mattered was there and then.

i know many people are glad to see us break up, smiling smugly to themselves, "I knew they wouldnt last. He so doesnt deserve her, he's uncouth, ill-mannered and beastly. I knew he wasnt good enough for her, the way he made her cry that night."

Then they wipe that smug smile off their faces and replace it with a look of concern and go ask if you are all right. I know, cos i do it too.

but who are they to judge us? saying that either of us is not good enough for the other party is just them being conceited, and thinking too highly of themselves.

what did it matter as long as we were happy together? who were we even to judge each other?

I dont give any excuses for my behaviour, when i can conveniently blame it on my upbringing. I just say that its 'just the way i am'.

The bottomline is, i know people hate me and judge me. But frankly, i dont give a flying fuck, cos they dont matter to me. They are insignificant. You are different, at least, i think you are.

I know how it is after 2 people break up. Friends on both sides just start pouring out their grieviences with the 'ex' to try and make the person feel better. You are casual and surprised that your friends feel this way about me. I am shocked, saddened and hurt when my friends hurl abuse at you. I dont know, maybe i just feel that they are in no position to judge you. maybe its me being protective.

maybe i just love you for who you are. i dont see 'hidden parts of you that are worth loving', i see you, as a whole, and i love you as a whole.

anyway my friend's birthday thing is not confirmed. if i am available, i would love to see you again.

2008-02-25T03:21:00.003+07:00

hello world.

i think i still love her, but,
im single again. =(
cos we have totally different views on love.

yes, the cliche 'irreconcilable differences' is very much applicable.

its rather ironic that i had to initate everything: the start, our first (and last) major confrontation and even the end.

and dear 'friend' of ql, i hope you are happy, your advice paid off, im not her 'baby' anymore.

2008-02-23T23:46:00.002+07:00

hello there.

I am an immature social misfit.

and unless i change, i wont be loved. =)

2008-02-22T23:45:00.001+07:00

when you decide to include me in your plans again, please let me know =)
I love you and I miss you so bad. I hope my 6th sense is wrong.

2008-02-21T22:11:00.003+07:00

i guess i never really was important after all.

just a substitute.

If i don't ask to be included in your plans, you leave me out of them.

bahhhh. fuck this shit.

i hate the term 'girly fun'.

2008-02-21T02:02:00.000+07:00

my girl went clubbing without me.

i am a lonely, worried boy now.

2008-02-19T14:46:00.001+07:00

i should have studied harder.

BLEH.

2008-02-10T22:45:00.000+07:00

bad guys like me never use our money, we splurge it
bad guys like me never fight for our rights, we only start wars
bad guys like me never make love, we only have sex
bad guys like me never praise others, we only butter them up
bad guys like me are never misunderstood, we just deserve to be outcasted
bad guys like me never love, we only lust
bad guys like me are never right, we are always wrong
bad guys like me do not say what we feel, we only whine about redundant things
bad guys like me never advise, we only bullshit
bad guys like me should never pretend to know anything, because we dont
bad guys like me never work, we skive
bad guys like me never plan, we scheme
bad guys like me dont need love, we just need to feel important
bad guys like me never reason, because we are unreasonable
bad guys like me dont need to feel appreciated, we just have low self-esteem
bad guys like me dont need to be reminded of what we already have, we are ingrates anyway.

bad guys like me just deserve to die now.

2008-02-10T20:02:00.000+07:00

i wasnt lying.

i wasnt angry.

i was just plain disappointed in you.

i am not exactly the richest person in the world either.

So i dont expect you to give me the world.

but now, i think you ought to know, i gave up my world for you.

My aunt gave me $4000 just half a year ago.

What i had intended to use it for:

~~bike lessons~~
~~bike~~
~~Nikon D40 + accessories~~
~~cigarettes~~
~~pool+snooker~~
~~drinking sessions and WILD parties with the gang~~
~~bangkok~~

What i decided to spend it on instead:

meals with YOU
christmas/random presents for YOU
shopping with YOU
clubbing with YOU
cab fare for YOU
money for YOU

What it was supposed to go to in a few days:

A nice dinner date
Some flowers
Rings

You assured me that you would have enough cash to use by Jan.

You assured me that you would give me something for my birthday+christmas+valentine's.

I didnt expect you to splurge everything on the watch.

So i said, "No, its ok, buy yourself a new phone instead or repay your mom for your bills."

But what do you do?

You just dont bother to get me ANYTHING at all.

Instead you wanna make scrapbooks for your friends.

You think you have been giving a lot?

Well, I'm sorry, but i think you have grossly overestimated it.

You say you are giving it to them cos you havent seen them in a long time.

Well, I've been here all these 3 months and you havent given me anything.

And the worst part is, when i ask you why you rather give stuff to them instead of me?

"Cos Y*** M** might just run away and write her book or something. You won't run away."

Thanks alot for taking me for granted.

Really made my day.

Now i dont see why I shouldn't be living the life i had wanted to live, or continue to give up anything, just for everything to be taken for granted.

All i wanted to hear was a, "Sorry baby, I'll give you what i promised you 3 months ago. I love you okay?"

Surely those 2 sentences wouldnt be too hard on your pocket.

2008-01-30T13:53:00.000+07:00

i know your morbid sense of curiosity will make you wanna click this

2008-01-23T11:34:00.000+07:00

"The awkward-looking minah and her group are having consults with koh now."

ahhahahahaha.

Tell me why i love my girl?

2008-01-14T00:47:00.000+07:00

i feel like stabbing myself through the heart now.

im such a letdown.

i thought i could be a man she would be proud of,

i guess i thought too highly of myself.

i need cigarettes to get through the crunch time
I really can't do it on my own.

im going to disappoint many other people.

I'll do my best to ensure that its only temprorary.

shatter my illusions and give me back my cynicism

2008-01-10T22:54:00.000+07:00

i fell in love with the girl whom i thought could understand and accept me,
or at least, whom i thought wanted to understand and accept me.

you think im wrong,
well im beginning to think i AM wrong,
about all my beautiful illusions of us.

you wanted to crack this tough exterior.
you wanted to see what was beneath,
as like every other girl before you.

well, you've succeeded.
you didnt just crack it,
you smashed it.
are you jumping around in jubilation?

now all my insecurities are gushing out.
I need acceptance.
I feel misunderstood.
I need love.
I need a listening ear.
I need to feel like i matter,
cos i feel like i dont.
I need to say what i feel or it will just weigh on my chest and suffocate me.
I need to feel like im not alone in this world.
I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN FOR WHO I AM.

you've broken the shell and released an emotional mess.
can you clean it up?

Well, you've found out who i really am.
Can you take it?

Is anyone even listening?

2008-01-10T00:52:00.000+07:00

i knew i was a pain to get along with.

i knew no one could possibly get along so wel with a fucker like me.

i hate being shut out.

i fucking hate feeling like i dont matter.

you know why?

cos i shut out the people i have no regard for.

i shut out the people i abhor.

i shut out whatever they say.

because they dont matter.

and i dont care if OTHER people shut me out.

Because they are just the OTHER people.

but not when you do.

i just want to be heard out.

if im wrong, fine, TELL ME WHERE IM WRONG.

HIT BACK AT ME TENFOLD.

RELEASE A SHITLOAD ON ME.

CONVINCE ME THAT IM WRONG.

humiliate me if you must.

BUT CONVINCE ME THAT I SHOULD HAVE KEPT MY TRAP SHUT IN THE FIRST PLACE.

i need not have the final say,

but i need to have a say. a FULL say.

ignore me if you must

dont just fucking shut me off midway.

no one has managed to hurt me like you just did in a long time.

no one.

how the fuck you expect me to sleep like that?

2008-01-06T19:38:00.000+07:00

hello world.

i really should be working on my FA2 now. but i've decided to type this nagging thought out.

"The good things in my life never accumulate; they are either misplaced, displace each other or replace better things." (Cheak, 2008)

but who am i to complain?

2008-01-01T18:52:00.000+07:00

its 2008.

blah.

2007-12-17T16:19:00.001+07:00

Meet Robin van Persie:

He couldnt score against Chelsea last night even when he was one-on-one with Petr Cech - TWICE.

He is now known to me as Robin van Pussy.

2007-12-15T23:52:00.000+07:00

please visit and buy from Jacq's blog shop

but if you dont want to, spend your money on a better cause as mentioned in my previous blog post.

2007-12-15T01:50:00.000+07:00

hellohello. This is PR cos its not paid. hahahahaha.

SOCCER MANIA!

There's a 'LIVE' EPL Soccer Match
screening coming up real soon and for
those interested in:

- Liverpool vs. Man U
- Arsenal vs. Chelsea

- cheap alcohol
- available pool table
- BIG comfy chairs
- being away from massive crowds

you should REALLY turn up :)

Details of event:
Sunday, 16 December 2007
8.30pm to 2am
Ngee Ann Alumni Clubhouse, Halo Bar

*checkout www.halobar.com.sg
for location

Costs:
Presales- $12/person (+2 beers/soft
drinks)*, $75/5people (+4 jugs of beer)*
Doorsales- $15/person, $80/5people

Tickets are already available!

Do text or call me if you're
interested. ASAP :)

Cheak: 81807108 or knight_in_rusty_armour700@hotmail.com

Or you can contact Vera, HuiTze or Alexis
if you know them too:)

See you there!

(Another event brought to you by fatty & co. )

Please go or im gonna lose a fortune for booking the damn place.

2007-12-09T13:15:00.000+07:00

I'd actually wanted to start on my vebbbbd.

but since my girl tagged me, i guess i cant as yet.

Here goes:

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1. bungee jump
2. ride a motorbike
3. get a job in the media to prove my mother wrong

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1. morfaty
2. bo^chup
3. cheak

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1. my eyes
2. my belly hair
3. my nose bridge

Three Things That Scare You:
1. FLYING cockroaches
2. the thought of losing my loved ones
3. the thought of becoming like my parents

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. handphone
2. laptop
3. my girl's love (omg im copying! but its true!)

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Specs
2. boardshorts
3. boxers

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1. Oasis
2. Bon Jovi
3. Justin Timberlake

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1. Love
2. Acceptance
3. Honesty

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1. Eyes
2. Butt
3. Smile

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1. Sleeping
2. Playing pool/snooker
3. Pattor-ing

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Inherit Bill Gates' fortune
2. Pee
3. Finish this *(&$(*&#$(*& quiz so i can do vebd

Three Careers You're Considering / You've Considered:
1. Pilot
2. Author
3. Radio DJ

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. Rome
3. France

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1. MICHELLE
2. Ernest
3. Desiree

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Girl:
1. I LOVE shopping
2. I whine a lot
3. I can't stand smelly stuff

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically a Boy:
1. I like to drink beer
2. I ogle (though not much anymore)
3. I have a girl~~friend~~

Three People You Tag:
1. Peter
2. ChaiSiewLing
3. Estella Ng Youmin

2007-11-27T09:11:00.001+07:00

i quit smoking

God help me stay alive

2007-11-25T01:49:00.000+07:00

i will not wash our dirty linen in public.
Just remind me not to go so hard on myself for your comfort next time.
and remind me to hide my past from you from now on.
i love you.

2007-11-22T09:31:00.000+07:00

its the day before my birthday.

i slept about 3 hrs last night cos i was staying back in school to prepare for carnival.

i have been up since trying to get stuff together, doing the work of others for them (and they get paid for it) and organise manpower. All this while some people ignore my instructions, tell me last minute that they dont have what i asked for 3 weeks ago, and simply sit on their asses not lifting a finger to help.

happy birthday cheak. you lucky fucker.

2007-11-08T02:15:00.000+07:00

happy deepavali, peter.

-vobblellls head-

2007-10-31T00:55:00.000+07:00

she keeps me sane when shit happens,

yet she drives me crazy with her love.

this time, its all good. =)

2007-10-28T00:50:00.000+07:00

Ms. Chang Qiaolin,

If you are reading this, you should know that your boyfriend is feeling lonely now. The juicy crabs here in Muar do not taste as good as the ones you feed me.

And it sucks to be stuck with a loveydovey, engaged couple when i spend most of my time alone in the backseat.

I miss you quite terribly and cant wait to get back to sg, projects or not.

Your very lonely bf up north